It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
