i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she looked like the before picture.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
