Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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