she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize