Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
