so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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