I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
