this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
