It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
