She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
