im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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