I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
