I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
