i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
