No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
