There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
