talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
