I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
