U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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