turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
