Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
