in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
