I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
