It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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