I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
