Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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