Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
