I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
