I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
