sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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