Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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