That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
