i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
