I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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