I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
