That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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