the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
