At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
