on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
