i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
