We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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