Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
