on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
