I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He told me they were just razor bumps!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's shark week go big or go home
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
