Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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