with your own penis?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
