I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
