Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
