i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
