I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
zippers are such a cool invention
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
