Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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