You're completely useless in the revolution.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Randomize
