he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
