I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
