I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
