i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
