nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
