I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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