I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
