that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
