OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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