and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
