Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
