so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
