Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
