1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
