My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
