I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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