They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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