My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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