Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
