my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
