My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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