I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And then he peed in my hair
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