Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
